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Yeah... Im going to be that guy that tries to do a live play-by-play on the newest sensation to hit the Chinatown bus phenonmenon: BoltBus.
1:05 - Arrive at 33rd and 7th Ave BoltBus stop in NYC. I see a bus. I decide to get a snack since I still don't need to in line till 1:15 (as stated on ticket). It's raining.
1:09 - Walk out of McDonalds caddy-corner to the stop. The Bus is gone. I repeat, the bus is gone. And now my fries are getting wet.
1:09:01 - I start to very slowly freak out. And I eat my fries.
1:16 - Officially, I should be waiting to hear my assigned number called out. But there is still no bus. There is ONE OTHER person waiting. Freak out in full effect. I have missed my bus.
1:28 - More folks with backpacks milling about. We all squeeze under an awning. It's raining harder. I will not recover from this.
1:29 - Other folks with bags officially looking for BoltBus. Freak out levels decreasing. Apparently the bus runs on the half hour after 12 PM.
1:48 - Bus Arrives! God bless you Boltbus!
1:53 - Now seated on Boltbus. Leather seats. Nice. Looking for outlets to plug in... NICE. Right in front of you on the seat back.
1:55 - Computer connects to the Boltbus network. SWEET. It's fast. Other bonus: bus not full, so nobody's sitting next to me. AWESOMETOWN. Freak out subsides completely.
1:56 - IM coworker. Brag. Make stupid network jokes about setting up a server from the bus. NERD ALERT. Whatever, I am still totally geeking out about the network.
1:58 - Bus starts moving. Log in to webmail. Starting to do work. IM with other coworker about real work. Now working. STILL FAST.
2:10 - Bus getting near Lincoln tunnel. Does the network hold?
2:17 - BLOGGING AND IMing from inside the Lincoln tunnel. Eat it Vamoose.
2:34 - Passing EWR, network slowing down. Starting to get car sick. Should not have supersized.
2:36 – Internet down, switching transcript to a word doc in the mean time.
2:51 – Damnit. Having trouble loading pages on the interweb. Still no problems with the IM though. The bus is SUPER quiet. No one seems to be working aside from me. Work-work is grinding to a halt, good thing instinct took over when I first got on the bus and knocked out most of it.
2:53 – Notice there’s a little extra room in the legs here. Always a good sign. Bus driver makes funny announcement, “Everyone on the bus is going to DC right?” It’s lulz-worthy, because he isn’t stopping for nobody and we know it.
2:55 – Gmail and Webmail timeout on me. IM still functional. We will not be setting up a server here today.
2:58 – Hitting New Brunswick. Even the IM is timing out now. Good thing the seats are comfortable.
3:01 – Weird, the faster we seem to go, the worse the connectivity. That doesn’t mean I want to be in traffic, but it does mean that I have something to be excited about SHOULD we get stuck in traffic.
3:06 – Posting notes from MSword, nearing the merging of lanes on the NJ Turnpike
3:08 – Notice lady in front of me trying to connect to the internet/look important like me. She has a pink screen desktop and has customized the font for all applications. She is adjusting her internet connections setting using McAffee for Windows. She has an AOL account from the same year as the Meg Ryan movie “You’ve Got Mail”. Best BoltBus lulz yet.
No, no wait… she’s now checking for viruses. Definitely wants to look important. Personalized font now identified as Comic-Sans.
BEST. LULZ. YET.
3:14 – Still trying to update post. Find myself saying, “Get there, get there, get there…” Realize irony of phrase since I’m BLOGGING ON A BUS.
3:15 – Romance of internet on a bus gives way to reality that I am, in fact, on a bus.
3:16 - Posting Accomplished!
3:23 – At exit 7A on the turnpike. IF you know me, this is where I start complaining about how I hate to drive on the turnpike.
Webmail up and running.
Comic-Sans lady now moving all icons on desktop from left side to right side.
3:39 – People from work are sending me meeting makers for 5:30 on a Friday. This is not unusual. I know realize I haven’t left work on a Friday earlier than 6:30 PM since 2006. Including the week of Christmas.
3:40 – Comic Sans Lady now looking at the TMZ.com. We’re nearing exit 2.
4:00 – Conference call on a bus with work. VPN access DENIED. Approaching toll plaza. The work keeps coming in, but I can’t seem to connect to get it back out.
4:11 – Delaware Memorial Bridge in 10 miles. Did I hate how long the turnpike is yet? Just got another meeting request, this time by from my cat, “to bite me.” Oh Jerseyfresh, you are too funny sometimes!
4:15 - Entire bus napping. Realize that I've been hunched over the comp for 2 hours straight. Taking a break. Wife is helping with network stress-testing by sending me links of shoes she wants of Piperlime.
5:40 - Baltimore... finally, back online. Part of it being that my Macbook Pro crashed at the DelMem Bridge, the other being that once rebooted, the internet was NOT WORKING.
5:54 - Yep, still working, just went through the 895 Tunnel with more connectivity than the entire state of Delaware.
It is not widely available, but it does exist in the United States. This water is set to "satisfy your inner carnivore."
If I find a bottle, I will be giving this a try, but I don't know if I want English Breakfast or Weiner Schnitzel.
Please check out the site. It includes an awesome radio interview with the inventor!
I take it back, I am definitely trying the Beef Jerky water. ZOMG:
"Beef with a touch of Hickory (extra dry)
What happens to all the moisture when a juicy hunk of sirloin is transformed into chewy beef jerky? Truth is, we don’t know. But the salty, savory flavor of this vitamin and mineral packed concoction will make you think we collected all that sweet, meaty juice just for you.
Don't serve chilled!"
Yeah... as a thank you for hours and hours of overtime, my company just hooked me up with a SWEET $25 dollar iTunes giftcard.
Did I:
a) mention that it was sweet
b) mention that it was $25 (for free)
c) mention that it required extra unpaid hours of work?
Regardless. I decided to blow the money the finest way possible: Episodes of "Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia".
You could be a commuter in Japan, then you'd have to deal with this kinda nonsense TWICE A DAY:
That's right, they have hired help to SHOVE you into a train car. Not enough that you bump a few elbows, because your trip will involve an excruciating 30 minute ride, face planted squarely in someone's armpit.
Yuck.
People, listen up. I like reading the Harry Potter books as much as you, but how can you expect me to keep defending it when you go around doing this:
Best part of the video? A tie between the weatherman getting "bludgeoned" and knocked to the ground or the grown-ass lady LAUGHING as he falls to the ground. It's close, I can't really tell which makes me happier.
Well, obviously I love my family! We (jfresh and duder) are going to visit my sister and her husband this weekend, celebrating the most important part of family: food.
And what kind of food is Texas famous for? Tex-Mex! Do I love Tex-Mex? YES. So, suck it restaurant finder:
Wait for it... Wait for it...
Okay, it's probably not real, but it's on video, and we already know how I feel about "Scare Tactics".
Again, AWESOME.
Okay, so obviously there are an infinite amount of things that are great about the internet. Today, the internet brought us "Chuck Facts", but it also brought us a sadder story, allow me to explain.
Google Maps has a feature that allows you to peruse locations on a real "street" level view. Normally a great feature if you think about the complexity of a project like that. However, after checking my childhood home street address on a whim, I am struck with sadness:
For any of you who ever visited this address, you will instantly understand what I mean. My childhood home looks like SHIT.
In 2001 my parents sold this house to a family before moving to Washington State. We haven't really kept touch with the people that moved in, but I can only hope that this isn't the same family living there now... because this place really looks like a dump now.
Plastic chairs littering the front lawn? Portable basketball hoop? Empty boxes blocking the garage doors? A GIANT dead lawn? It even looks like there is a TOILET in the driveway!!! No wait, IT IS A TOILET. What in THE HELL is going on over there?
I don't swear a lot, but I am ashamed of this SHIT SHOW.
Chuck Norris Facts are back in...
Was it ever unfashionable to dislike this site? Well, if you stop liking it, he knows, and you'd already be dead.
Answer: Nope.
Back in the day, my friend and I used to BEG to answer the phone just in case the caller was a telemarketer. Very similar to this little gem:
Our best work was a real estate solicitor. While the one person listened to the unremarkable pitch on one phone, the other ran to another phone in the house. Then we'd talk and listen to what they had to offer.
Us: Is there a lot of space?
Them: Depends, what kind of space are you looking for?
Us: Do you have space to STORE DEAD BODIES?!?!
Then we'd hang up. Juvenile, I know.
ANYWAYS, now the ante has been raised. Apparently Arnold S., the governor of California himself, has been the culprit behind the best series of prank calls yet. It's a brilliant collage of the Arnold's past work that deftly maneuvers the intricacies of Dell computers, take a listen:
Hilarity. Have a good Friday.
